I somehow made it through April and May and since the rest of my children were headed other directions on Memorial weekend, I decided to venture out ON MY OWN (which unless necessary, I haven't liked doing) and fly to Sacramento to visit Bob, Sara, Duncan and baby Charlie. Our darling 3 year old Duncan had recently crashed on a trampoline (friends) and broken his leg and so I think I just wanted to give him a hug and a 'prize' ! It was an easy flight and delightful little trip...so glad I went.
Pictured below are a few glimpses of our time together, part of which was spent driving south to the East Bay area where Jim and I lived when we were first married. We had a cute apartment in Pleasant Hill from 1977 to 1978 but had to move to a rental home in Martinez when we were expecting Coby (no kids allowed at apartments). Bob and Sara humored me as we set out to find old haunts and drive down 'memory lane'! It brought back so many wonderful memories of being newlyweds; so completely dependent on each other for survival and so in love! Pleasant Hill had changed the most; older, bigger trees (well, it's ONLY been 36 years)! Our home in Martinez looked great. Apparently someone bought it and painted it blue (it was yellow) and I remembered every inch of each place like it was yesterday. I mostly remembered Jim and I being so young and happy, so I had to have a good cry - again! A friend whose husband passed away two years ago of ALS told me that being without them..... just feels WEIRD! That's right, weird, and she is right! It just doesn't seem possible that my sturdy, steady handsome husband could be in heaven! I know he is but it is not just surreal and unbearable, it's WEIRD! Back to the trip!
Bob and Sara are also renting a home while Bob finishes his Prosthetics and Orthotics residency with Pacific Medical. It's a home not unlike the one Jim and I first rented and suits them perfectly for the time being. They were so kind to give up there bed for me and sleep on the blow up mattress in the extra room. They've planted a little garden using the molds as 'pots' from Bobs prosthetic workshop (quite clever) and have become quite amazing 'parental units' (as all my children seem to be doing without any of my help at all)! They live quite close to the biggest 'train yard' in the west and you can hear the train whistles at night (I LOVED it)! We ventured into see 'old Sacramento, a part of the city that has the pristine look of the 1800's, visited the Sacramento Zoo, dined out and simply enjoyed playing and being together. (Duncan is entertained most of his days by cars, books and dinosaurs). Except for a few computer DVD's now and then, the family is pretty 'tecno-free' (not even a TV) and they seem to survive just fine (although Duncan knew just what to do with my I-pad and seemed to love it)! While venturing to Pleasant Hill, we stayed a night in a Marriott Residence Inn and met up on Memorial Day with our extended family the Steffensons for lunch at Emil Villa's BBQ....YUM! (One of Jim and my old eating haunts)! So, I did it...my first independent outing and it was a good test-run! Of course, I would much rather have had my Jim along, but I get the feeling lately that he doesn't miss much of what is going on with all of us and is no doubt looking on in much better shape than the past year! I miss him LIKE CRAZY! I don't go a day without a good cry, which may explain why my eyes are starting to hurt! When you have had it so GOOD, mourning (morning and night) is, I think, expected and renewing!
Moving on, I'm doing a little project or two up at Bear Lake this summer (which Jim approved) and am afraid I'm going to have to find cheaper gas, as I'll be venturing up and down more than usual! On a kayak ride last weekend on the glassy evening lake, I looked back at the cabin and, talking to Jim said....."this is overwhelming; the cabin, the house, the family, the grand kids. You've got to stay close to help me....I NEED YOU!" I waited a minute for Jim's response (as I would always do)then felt him say.....'well, you're holding the ores wrong!" What??? I looked down and sure enough, I was! If Jim had been there in the flesh, that's exactly what he would have told me! You have to do it RIGHT, not just DO IT! He was never in a hurry to just DO IT! It had to be done at the RIGHT time, in the RIGHT way and so I think that's what he will expect of me. Then I felt him so close, hugging me and sort of chuckling at his answer! If anything is OVERWHELMING, it is the 'spirit'! I know he lives and is aware of all of us and will continue to watch over and help us! I know he is better - completely whole again. But in the meantime, can I just 'wish' he was here?
P.S: ROSIE
My 'post-script' is my new little pal Rosie! Let me tell you what a JOY she has been and what a fortuitous find she was! My niece Alex has been wanting me to visit 'Furburbia' in Park City (a no-kill animal shelter). She has sent me a few pictures of dogs and even brought one to visit, but I hadn't moved on anything! On my way to Bear Lake last weekend, I thought...why not just stop and 'check it out'! (This I know, is always a mistake with me and dogs)! I walked in and found there were about three little 'pen's' with small dogs in them...all barking "take ME"! The last one had two little dogs in it and one just "smacked me in the heart"! I asked if she was a 'terrier' (I've been wanting a Jack Russel Terrier) and yes, she was exactly that (with a little something else, I'm sure). She reminded me a little of our 'Toby' and so I thought I'd take her for a little walk! Ten minutes later I was signing up to take her for a week trial (they let you pay upfront and return the dog if it doesn't work out)! So, off I went to the lake with a dog, a kennel, a leash and some dog food. I thought - what would Jim think of this??? So, the weekend progressed with several of the grand kids dragging her around, pulling at her jowls and practically smothering her with attention. She never even 'snipped' at them! She followed me around like yes, a puppy, even though she is a fully grown four year old and completely house trained. I kept thinking she would give me some sign she wasn't right for me, but it didn't happen. She came when I called and even went back to eat her food when I told her to! She had been an owner-turn-in and was neutered (or is is spade for a female) and had her shots, had teeth cleaned and a micro-chip placed in her so if lost, she could be found. IT WAS FATE! Last weekend I went back to Park City and officially 'adopted' Rosie. I know Jim approves - probably led me to her! Now there's a story with a good ending!
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