September 24th 2017
It's been a long time since I posted here - one year to be exact in October.  What a year!  The year of Sid!

Sid Jensen is someone I will not soon forget.  I'm pretty sure I fell for someone who seemed good at returning it and keeping me 'on the line' while he continued to pursue....other ladies.  I wasn't really aware of how much I felt 'used' until, after spending so many wonderful outings and days and all of Christmas together (including helping him buy his children and grandchildren's Christmas),he left to take another lady to Mexico.

I let him continue to date me, much to my childrens disappointment when he began to be very good at being attentive and calling me most every night. I loved our fun conversations where he'd say that he'd not take the other 'nice ladies' on outings any more!  He bought a sailboat and parked it at Bear Lake, there to visit and sail with me all and my family through the summer!  The kids weren't happy...why didn't I get it?  
There were encouraging talks of his retirement, marrying me and going on a mission together and since he spent so much time with me, I didn't think he had time for anyone else.  I helped him pack a porch swing we found in Garden City, into his truck so that when I came to Idaho Falls to visit, we could swing together on his porch while looking at the beautiful Snake River views from his lot.  We went on fishing outings and camping and I was loving life.  We were comfortable with each other!!!
Then the bomb fell when I invited him to a Deer Valley Concert the end of July and he told me he thought he'd go to Montana instead to visit his son.  Great, I thought!  Go see your kids and he played along with that, again letting me 'assume' that was what he was doing.  Every night for three nights I got a sweet text, which I thought was nice but a little...unusual.  That next morning I woke up and had the thought come to me out of nowhere..."He is with someone else and I'm finally going to catch him at it.  I drove to Idaho Falls with Rosie and there they were, he and a lady, shelling peas on the back porch.  The rest is a blur but he had the nerve to tell me as I left -  to come back later....she was leaving.

Time and again he'd try to charm me! Deep in my heart, I knew he'd never change!  I'm absolutely certain he thought that maybe I had.  That I had developed new perspective on 'his point of view'  just keep hanging in while he 'figured himself out' and dated around!  He even asked me to help him figure himself out...to which I told him that I had....HE WAS JUST PLAIN SELFISH!

I WANT to be someone's ONLY ONE - again!  I thought it would be Sid but it won't be and it breaks my heart to think that it may never happen. I went to the temple with Liz Friday and before we went into the session, I showed her a passage out of the Old Testament in 'Ruth' that I'd come across a month ago.  "Be still my daughter until you know how the matter will fall"!  That seems to be what I have to do but....WHY CAN"T I BE STILL???   I told Liz it seems like the Lord is always asking for my PATIENCE!!!  I am NOT GOOD AT BEING PATIENT!!!  This is my real test in life.  It's called FAITH!  Then, if that weren't enough, the brother giving the prayer in the prayer circle after the session, repeated three times...."For those on these prayer rolls and those in our presence who are seeking answers, the Lord would have you be PATIENT....to wait upon Him for he knows what will be best for you".  This was repeated THREE TIMES...like in the temple ceremony!  THIS WAS FOR ME!  I know it was directly for ME!