THE 'HOLIDAYS, A FEW 'PROJECTS' and 'THE JIM CHRISTMAS TREE'

A friend reminded me recently that I haven't posted for a while so I'll try to re-cap, mostly so I can remember!  

I  had many reminders early on that the 'holidays' would be a difficult time for me, so I decided to create a project or TWO to keep me occupied - and lo...DID THEY EVER!

Right after Halloween I realized that the whole lower floor of our home had for some time been neglected.  The hole in the sun room wall that Jim had fixed from the outside five years earlier, hadn't been patched inside, the part of the basement wall that Bobby painted while he and Sara lived with us nearly two years ago, was making the rest of the walls look lonely.  The carpet (21 years old now and having lived through 4 dogs) was needing to be retired!  So - I went 'at it' and ended up with a painter, a carpenter and a carpet layer helping me through November...all good friends and good company for Rosie and I!

When one decides to re-carpet and paint 3,000 square feet of space, one should consider the consequences.  Like all the 'stuff' the children have left on the floors of their bedrooms and closets that have to be organized and moved!  Then there's the moving of the furniture (beds, dressers, work out equipment, etc).  Thank goodness for strong sons (and son-in-law) to help.  Then to add to the fun, our friend who built our home 21 years ago, re-did the heating system in the sun room so that we actually have heat in there in the winter.  When he finished, Jim's sister Mary Ellen and I painted the walls! The putting back together of everything was equally challenging!  Along with fixing electronics, hanging new light fixtures, re-hanging pictures and cleaning, we also decorated  for Christmas and a holiday 'open house', which I decided was also something I NEEDED to do to keep me occupied!  NUTS, I know, but I just wanted to be able to thank so many people who have helped us through this past year and a party seemed the way!

The best part of all the activity was the decision to do a 'Jim Christmas tree' for just our family!  Jim told me last year as we toured the Festival of Trees, that he did NOT want our family to do a festival tree for him.  I think he figured that I would not only buy a new tree and all the decorations, but that I would re-buy it at the festival to have it forever.  Good thinking Jim! 
Our JIM TREE (pictured above) turned out to be a wonderful family effort, with not only our children and grandchildren helping, but Jim's and my siblings contributing ideas and time!  I bought our FIRST EVER ARTIFICIAL TREE (a hard decision since we've always had live trees) for the project and here's what went on it; the musical saw and bow, a baseball and mitt, bicycles, hard hats, mini saws, musical notes, angels, reindeer (he was a 'dear), hanging 'tools' and myriads of pictures of Jim and family!  The 'crowning touch' was the 'topper'; a star created by Coby, made from a bicycle spoke and chain and lit for special effect!  Quite impressive, if we all did say so.  I know Jim is pleased as punch, probably mostly that I didn't pay for all of it TWICE! 

With all of that, it has still probably been the most difficult time of I've ever lived through.  Two invites to Thanksgiving dinner (Mary Ellen's son Jason and Rob and Liz at Jeremy Ranch) was nice, but it was also very strange (with the kids all at their in-laws this year)!  I cried all the way down Parley's canyon after leaving Rob's!  It's JUST PLAIN PAINFUL to be without your sweetheart this time of year....anytime, when he's been such an amazing presence in your life.  As I've said, I've taken crying new levels this year but it is often the only way I can feel 'relief' and get through my days!  I still feel Jim very close.  I am grateful for his presence and know he keeps special watch on our family - and particularly me.  He would always tell me he didn't know what he would do without me.  I never imagined what I would do without him.  But one thing is for sure....you have to keep DOING!  I was called to be the ward choir director and, despite my lack of expertise, it's also been a healing help.  I realize that I have much to be grateful for (so much) and I know Jim would expect this of me!  It's painful to see other couples, especially this time of year, realizing their 'complete' joy!  Knowing that we had such a blessed family and the most wonderful marriage for thirty six years helps!  Knowing that I have Jim 'forever' and that we'll be together again keeps me sane!  Knowing that the Lord is aware of all that is going on is a necessary comfort!  I move toward the new year, not knowing the path, but hopeful of the journey!