I JUST KEEP 'MOVING' - to east the pain!

It has been four months since Jim's 'crossing' and now my unique and amazing Mom has also 'turned out the lights' on her time here on earth!  I feel like my life has been 'flashing before my eyes' lately - that by tomorrow I'll be old!  There's a song that's called " I Just Keep Moving 'Cause it Helps to Ease! the Pain'!  So - that's what I've been doing....just moving!  It's completely necessary to NOT stop and think about things.  So, with the daily tears and the running back and forth from the lake, it truly been a LONG-SHORT summer!

Our screened porch project at Bear Lake had it's debut at the 50 year anniversary of the cabin on July 27th.  We had a bit of a drizzle that day, but still enjoyed the company of some wonderful friends who have spent time at the cabin over the years.  Dee and Ann (Adams) Bradshaw, Larry and Patty (Brown) Glade, Chris (Duncan) and Burt Wonnacott, Suzi (Duncan) and Scott Hansen, Wade Hansen and his 'boys', Brent and Jeanie Shuldberg, Georgia (Sorenson) and Mark Anderson, Jan (Sorenson) Marshall, and great friends invited by my siblings.
We ended the day with an evening picnic/campfire tribute to the cabin and especially Mom and Dad.  During the picnic we got word Mom had possibly had a stroke and wasn't doing well.  My thinking is that she knew there was a party going without her and decided if she couldn't be there, she'd begin her 'departure'!  

Rob visited with her the next day and said she was still awake and pointing up and holding her arms out (there were angels already excited for her to make her entrance) but hadn't eaten for a couple of days! When I visited Monday, she was unresponsive; eyes closed except a slight opening in her left eye and breathing easy!  I wanted so badly to see her pretty hazel eyes while I talked and sang to her, so I tried to hold her eyelids open.  Sometimes her eyes would flicker and once she tried to smile and I felt she could hear me so I poured out my heart to her.  I sang 'Bye Bye Blackbird, I rubbed her bony hands and tiny feel, smoothed her pretty white hair, kissed her, hugged her and told her to tell Jim I loved him and to send me a 'sign' all was well!  I told her it was OK to go - that we would miss her but all be fine and others were so excited to see her.  It brought back Jim's final minutes and even know I can't hold back the tears.  How are we supposed to endure such pain???  How are we supposed to be so brave and so hopeful that we will see them again???  What is this things called FAITH??? 

I know this life is a test and I'm finding that the 'blind faith' part of that test is something you can't cram for the night before.  It is truly an every day effort we make through our choices to be obedient, to listen to the holy ghost, to learn all we can, to keep communication open with heaven; to basically just keep TRYING and doing our BEST!   I do faithfully admit that I have recognized the warm blanket of the Holy Ghost surrounding me.  I believe I have heard the voices of angels speak through through my limited earthly mind and have heard their voices through music.  I FEEL Jim and Mom (and others I've loved so dearly) are alive through Christ's sacrifice and yet why is not having that SURE knowledge still such a painful test!  We can't really KNOW now and that is why we have to Forward All Issues To Heaven and just have FAITH!
My cute neighbor Cherie Broadwater loaned me a quote from Elder Holland that helps to 'ease the pain'!  

 With one voice and one accord, we bear witness that the gospel of Jesus Christ is the only way to satisfy ultimate spiritual hunger and slake definitive spiritual thirst.  Only He who was so mortally wounded knows how to heal our modern wounds.  Only One who was with God, and was God, can answer the deepest and most urgent questions of our soul.  Only His almighty arms could have thrown open the prison gates of death that otherwise would have held us in bondage forever.  Only on His triumphant shoulders can we ride to celestial glory - if we will but choose through our FAITH-fulness to do so.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (October 1997)

I've watched Jim and Mom 'ride triumphantly' through life with their trials and so I am going to 'at least' TRY MY BEST to do the same! 

   For my amazing Mom, I cheer and celebrate her nearly 92 years as a person who knew how to draw people in and put them at ease; whose generosity, zest for life, love for family and God and positive spirit are unequaled!  For Jim, though he left us WAY TOO SOON, I know he was prepared!  He loved completely, lived worthily and 'crossed the finish line' as genuine and pure as he entered the race.  I feel his presence in my life; I know he is close and will continue to love and guide me, as I know a kind Father in Heaven, who also knows me, will do!  I know all those others who have passed their life's test; those who have also touched my life so deeply (Dad, our sweet Jackie, Riches, Pattersons and on and on (my 'chariot of angels') will continue to help me 'keep on moving to ease the pain'!  Onward and forward we ever must go!