IT"S BEEN SO LONG - August 2023

That's because there has been so much going on and so many new developments.  We knew that Reid had been diagnosed after his 2019 surgery with Lewy Body Dementia.  Things were pretty status quo after he recovered from two other surgeries in 2021 (back and hernia).  Even last year in 2022 up until around November he was recovering pretty well without many changes.  For Thanksgiving last year I took my whole family to Puerta Vallarta for a week....early Christmas present.  He went along like the great sport he is but we had to use a wheelchair in the airports and he was starting to slow down in his walk.  We had a great time and the kids were wonderful to help out where they could.  Starting in about March this year he began to have real issues with his balance and lately has been falling.  He is dizzy and we're trying to figure out the sourse of that.  

We've enjoyed Bear Lake all summer, especially me since it is the only real outlet I have to take my mind off being a caretaker again.  I love being with my children and again, Reid has been good sport to let me drag him with me.  Now we're at the end of Bear Lake days and this past weekend, Reid told me he just didn't want to go.  He becomes embarrassed about his condition especially around my kids but interestingly with his kids, he does his very best to disguise his problems.  I've also been aware that I'm repeating things I say to him a lot more, not just because he can't hear but can't remember.  His short term memory seem to have come to a halt.  Luckily his daughter Nabby has become more aware of these issues and tries to help when she can.  Also Porter has volunteered to help out for a hour or so once a week but Pack and Chauncy are out of town and can really only call.  Still I think since they all know they have ME (and I realize they are grateful for me), they all think he's doing just fine.  I have to resist not coming right out and screaming that maybe he's doing fine with them because he wants to be at his best, but with me, I dress and undress him and am getting him up and down all day and I am exhausted.  HONESTLY, I don't really want to do this again and then...I hear Sunday school lessons like today and am humbled.

I listened to the online lesson on Romans 9.  I learned so many wonderful things to help me cope.  I need to review the lesson and write about them but a few things I took to heart:  These trials we have are ours.  They are to help us grow and learn more about ourselves.  They are to perfect us and help us become more like God.  I'm thinking after taking care of Jim and now Reid, I am on a good path to just that.  I know I'm in the LEARNING CURVE and just pray every day that I can use restraint when I get so frustrated, that I will try to be more patient since both Jim and Reid were very patient patients.  They are strong and great spirits and most likely have had little to learn to become more God-like.  I remember with Jim there were always tender mercies and I seem to be recognizing them again.  I just pray that I can be a good example to everyone and look at the positive side of each situation.  I know that I am sometimes a sticky Mom and try to be over-involved in their lives.  I think I need to scale back and look at what is most important right now and that is taking care of the Reid...for better and worse.